Have you ever had one day when there are absolutely no plans and as a result of your pause, You realize how tired and worn out you actually are? Not only was today one of those days (I took a four hour nap and watched pride and prejudice), but today I also took a pause from something I have been doing for a long time- Banging my head against a closed door. You see, the people who claimed to love me the most are the ones who exclude me the most. For the two years I have been going to Cave Spring, I have continually banged my head against their walls hoping to be let in. I believed the lie that I am a victim in any given situation. For example, I haven't talked to my sister in a while and rather than calling her myself, I blamed her and pouted. How selfish/stupid is that?
No more. I'm not a victim. I stopped today and realized that all this time I could have had a proactive view. I could have pursued my sister myself. I could have pursued the other people outside of "the clique" and had solid relationships right now. I am not a victim. I am going to live proactively. I'm going to grow up. Because I am not a victim anymore. That clique will not even matter in 8 months. So why should they make or break the next 8 months? I will be proactive.
Moral of the story(though I learned this a little late): People don't fall for the words "I Love You." People fall for the actions that prove the words to be true.
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