confusion during second period

I view man as inherently good. Only some are malicious and the behavior derives from past experiences (never from dna)

I view God as compassionate, especially to those who mess up.

There is a gap. What about good people who rarely mess up? Do they automatically have no need for mercy?

I know humanism is wrong. We cannot justify ourselves. But in order to be right, I must begin to realize that humans are inherently bad. That is unsettling. I know it is true. I don’t want to believe it is true. I want to give the benefit of the doubt.

How unsettling.

If we are worse than I believe, that demands God be more that I believe.

That means I need his mercy all the time. That means mother Teresa couldn’t live without his mercy just like Hitler.

That equalizes us. Sounds similar to communism. Takes away any private hope.

Or does it? Maybe it’s not an equalizer. Maybe it’s just a common denominator.

I’m confused and uncomfortable.

So if God is more, how much more?

In younglife, they treat people as inherently good as well. How are they not unsettled by this contradiction? Maybe, I’m just sick to my stomach and this topic is not to blame.

Nope, I feel fine.

I’m laughing. Mrs. Mills sees me laughing. I need to put on a straight face.

I can’t.

I wonder what other people’s motives are? I seem to always assume they mean well. Maybe I shouldn’t have based my beliefs on my assumptions. That’s horrible logic. Mrs. Clark would be ashamed.

But if I thought the motives were bad I would be assuming too.

That was a huge circle. I’m dizzy. But not sick…..blast it. That would be an easy explanation for this.

So the gap came because I assumed too much. Assuming is a habit. A habit can be broken in thirty days. That doesn’t sound very long. I can fix this and go on as a Christian with gapless theology.

Wait, that’s humanism too. I can’t fix this. Because I am human. And we are inherently rebellious. I can’t justify myself.

Blast it. God help me.