Scratch that idea

So in my previous blog, I compared my life to a puzzle. My analogy is quite impaired. You see, There are times in my life when it doesn't seem to be traveling from mass confusion to complete understanding. Sometimes the progress is lacking and there is simply confusion.

As opposed to a puzzle, My life seems more like a movie. The director has in his head exactly how the movie will look but while filming, there's confusion to everyone else. Scenes are filmed in any order except chronologically. It simply doesn't make sense. Or maybe my life is like a novel. In a good, unpredictable novel, only the author knows exactly what's happening. If the reader was only given a couple unfinished chapters, it would make no sense.

Sometimes my habits, sources of happiness, and methods make no sense (even to me! ) but I have an author who is writing and filming my life. Each detail is important somehow. Looking back on it, movies and novels are more fun than puzzles anyways.......

I'm so bad at puzzles....

Though it's against my rules- I am blogging two days in a row. I am the exception to my own rule.

It's a theory that when a woman emotionally eats, she is really craving something else. Some crave sleep, love, visibility, escape, etc. I, more often than not, crave Context. As in that one puzzle piece that makes everything fit together. For example, a girl wakes up feeling nauseous, has random cravings for certain foods, and is very moody suddenly. She doesn't know what's going on. Then, BAM!, she finds out she's pregnant. It makes everything, all those random symptoms, make sense!

I can tell you a billion facts about myself. For example, I hate mexican food and being alone (which is my biggest fear). I love tulips, heat/sun/the south, sundresses, vintage furniture, ice cream, original art, zoo's, candles, blankets, being pursued, high heels, city lights, talking to people, cooking, dogs, dancing, little kids, the beach....and I could go on and on.....

I deeply crave those missing puzzle pieces ( which I know God is holding) that will bring it all together and give me that "Ahh!!!" reaction. Until then I will sit here with my random facts and do who-knows-what with them.

April showers bring May flowers

So I went down to visit family in Louisiana over spring break. This is always an adventure. The two sides of my family are very different and very large. As in, as close to polar opposites as I have ever seen two groups of people be. Since I love observing people, I decided to write down ideas that I noticed on this trip.

1. It is ingrained in our personalities to see something beautiful and immediately want it. Rarely do you see people solely admiring. If someone compliments your outfit, you can often tell not only do they like it, but they want it. Consequently we have sins like jealousy, lust, etc. We need to learn to admire beauty.

2. Home isn't home without people who CHOOSE to love you. Don't get me wrong, My family is amazing (both sides of it!) but my value seems to decrease when I am not around friends, who have the opportunity to ignore me, but choose to love me regardless. Love is not a feeling, like we've been taught, but a choice. We choose to love certain people at certain times. That's why unconditional love is so rare (and may i say almost impossible?!) to find among humans. Isn't it amazing how the more we know about ourselves and our nature, the more remarkable it is that God would ever love us this much?

3. If i may steal an idea from one of the smartest people I know, this third idea is the most signifigant to me. Consider Newton's Law- "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" Replace "action"/"reaction" with "feeling" and it takes on a deeper meaning in human behavior. If you feel a certain way, there is always an equal/ opposite feeling. I first saw this between my sister and I (when she pointed it out to me). I feel inferior because I'm the youngest. To me, she seems to have it all! She's on her own with a husband, a job, a puppy, incredibly chic clothes, and those loyal, faithful friends (whom I seem to never be able to find). But then Rie feels inferior because she's older. I looked at my friendships with this viewpoint. Some girls seem to have it all, but what do they see when they see me? And then, to my dating relationships- Sometimes I feel like I am just not enough for Dan, but in what ways can i encourage him when he feels that same way? I guess it comes down to me being stubborn again(just when i thought I'd learned this lesson) and putting on my blinders to other's feelings and to my own blessings.

So admittedly, this came out to be a lot longer than I had planned in my head but maybe, just maybe, it helped you. God is good.....all the time. Even when we put on our blasted blinders.